


This Isn't Where It Ends

by moodlighting



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Coming Out, Kissing, M/M, OT4 - Friendship, On the Road Again Tour, sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-31
Updated: 2015-10-31
Packaged: 2018-04-29 04:57:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5116421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moodlighting/pseuds/moodlighting
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The atmosphere is just...insane. Louis feels like he's hardly taken a breath since the first note in Clouds, and that feels like hours and hours ago already. Energy ripples over the crowd and it's a tangible thing - something you can see, feel. They've been feeding off it all night. Louis can see it in Liam’s feet, dancing fast and free without a care, and Niall’s huge, toothy grin, which hasn't left his face since he stepped out with his guitar, and in Harry’s very presence on the stage - always enormous, but he's truly a force tonight, whipping the fans into a frenzy at every turn. </p><p>Louis has been watching the three of them all night. He's seen how in love with this they all are in these final moments, how carefree and overloaded with joy they’re feeling, and Louis’ heart feels swollen.</p><p>Non-AU. It's the last night of On the Road Again Tour.</p>
            </blockquote>





	This Isn't Where It Ends

**Author's Note:**

> Cross-posted from Tumblr. This is just my tears turned into words, and basically a love letter to One Direction fans. Let's all cry together on this day of days. 
> 
> I woke up at 5:30 am and started writing, and this hasn't been edited since, so all mistakes are my own.
> 
> Finally, I like to call this sort of thing "wishful thinking." I know nothing, so please do not assume that I do.

The atmosphere is just...insane. Louis feels like he's hardly taken a breath since the first note in Clouds, and that feels like hours and hours ago already. Energy ripples over the crowd and it's a tangible thing - something you can see, feel. They've been feeding off it all night. Louis can see it in Liam’s feet, dancing fast and free without a care, and Niall’s huge, toothy grin, which hasn't left his face since he stepped out with his guitar, and in Harry’s very presence on the stage - always enormous, but he's truly a force tonight, whipping the fans into a frenzy at every turn.

Louis has been watching the three of them all night. He's seen how in love with this they all are in these final moments, how carefree and overloaded with joy they’re feeling, and Louis’ heart feels swollen.

There's something shivering in the air, hovering, and it’s not just inside this arena either. It’s around the world. Louis has seen the chatter. Even scrolling through Twitter in the measly five minutes he had to spare before Niall and Harry dragged him to the dressing room for their end of tour prank on Lou and Lottie had been enough to see it. The fans know something is up. After the articles, all the bullshit floating around, they can see the signs pointing to change, and something big at that. Maybe they haven't gathered every detail yet, but the fans have always been far smarter than anyone has bothered to give them credit for. Louis has always been so proud of that.

He's feeling overwhelmed by it. By the noise and lights and motion, by the rush of emotions from the last night of tour taking over, by the anticipation of all that's going happen - and not just in the distant future either, but _soon_. Suddenly, it's no longer an unseen finish line, so far away that for the longest time, Louis felt like he was barely capable of dragging himself to the end. Louis feels drunk on it all now. It's in his veins, the energy, the power, and he feels...reckless.

They've reached the encore. It’s the final song, and in just a few minutes, they'll leave this stage, the one they've stood on together for months and months, the one from which they've weathered so _much_ that Louis can barely even begin fathom it. And after, they won't set foot on it again. Louis knows he has to do something.

He thinks about the article in The Sun yesterday. He thinks about the things he's been through - the things they’ve all been put through, even in the last few weeks, and Louis is furious. Wrathful, even. Yet those emotions feel impossibly small compared to the feeling of knowing it’s all behind them now. And Louis doesn't want to hold on to that much negativity and hate any longer than he has to - Liam tells him it's not good for his colon. No, Louis just wants to send a message.

They've been thanking the fans profusely all night, so much so that it's probably started to get annoying. But this is their last chance to match the outpouring of love they've been given, their last chance to try, even if the four of them have never been any match for millions. Louis has never felt like he’s entirely deserved that love - could never comprehend what he did to earn the dedication and loyalty he's been offered over the last five years, but he thinks he's starting to understand now. It's not about him, he realizes. It’s about _them_. One Direction as a whole, the community the fans created by their own design around them. It's overwhelming, this crazy thing they've all done together.

So, as Liam finishes his final speech, Louis knows it’s his chance to send that message now. So he does.

“I just want to say another massive thank you to all you here tonight, and to everyone who's ever called themselves a One Direction fan. You've been with us through so much, and we will never be able thank you enough for all you've done for us,” he begins, turning toward the crowd to speak. “You've supported us in so many ways, some you didn't even know you were doing, and that support has meant more than you can imagine to me, and to Niall, and Liam, and Harry.”

The screams increase tenfold at Harry’s name leaving his mouth, and Louis smirks. Glancing to his right, he sees Harry chatting with a little fan in the crowd, oblivious, doing something crazy with his arms to make her laugh. God, Louis loves him so much. So many bad things have happened, horrible, evil things, but hiding that one simple fact has always felt like something much worse than the rest. A crime, really. But having to hide it, Louis knows, gave them both the one thing they've always been able to fight back with.

And now, knowing how they're moving forward from this moment on, knowing where the power now lies with One Direction, Louis thinks the people of Sheffield, the fans, and the world at large, really, deserve a bit of honesty.

He clears his throat and raises his microphone to his mouth. “So I just want to leave you lot with one last thing before we go,” he continues. “I would say this is for you, Dan Wootton,” Louis says, beginning to walk backwards. He thinks about how the videos of this are going to circulate and feels enormously proud of himself, impressed with his own dramatics. “Or you, Simon,” he goes on, meeting a girl’s eyes in the audience as he says it. He watches the smile slowly start to form on her face the closer he gets to Harry. He thinks she knows what's about to happen, and he smiles back at her before he turns away.

He turns toward Harry, who's now just staring at him, watching closely. He mouths the word _hi_ , a knowing smile playing at his lips. Louis knows he's up for this. They've talked about it heaps of times over the years, imagined what it would be like to just do it. Well, now’s their chance.

Louis takes two more steps forward, holding his gaze, and then he and Harry are face to face, standing at the center of the catwalk. Louis takes a deep breath. “But really,” he finishes, “It's not for anyone but ourselves.”

Then he reaches forward, takes Harry’s face gently in his palms, microphone still in one hand, and pulls him in for a kiss. Harry goes easily, smiling all the way.

They've kissed millions of times. When they were happy, sad, lost, scared, elated, or just needed each other, but nothing has ever felt like this. The kiss isn't even anything spectacular, just a brush of their mouths, tender and sweet - they aren't trying to show off, after all - but it still feels like the world momentarily stops turning. There's a beat of what feels like silence, then the roar of the crowd picks back up. And it's deafening. Louis’ whole body shakes with it, and he grins against Harry’s lips, feeling Harry do the same. His hands go to Louis’ waist as he pulls his body into his, wrapping him up tight and close.

Normally Louis would never forsake their professionalism for this sort of thing - even when they don't have to hide it anymore, Louis doesn't think they'll be locking lips on stage every night - but in this moment, Louis feels like he's never deserved something more. He feels like _everyone_ deserves it. His and Harry’s relationship is theirs and only theirs, of course, but it's also something they've always been so eager to share. Louis feels moved beyond words that they're finally getting the chance to do that, giving _themselves_ the chance.

They kiss longer than strictly necessary, if only because Louis knows everyone is still scrambling for their phones, and he wants to give them time to capture it all. He gently strokes his fingers through Harry’s hair, messy and wild from his dancing tonight, and takes extra care not to tug too hard on the tangles. Their mouths open and close against each other, Harry softly thumbing at Louis’ back, Louis stroking his fingers across Harry’s cheeks, and Louis lets himself get lost in it for a moment. The intensity of the screams surrounding them fall away like they’re nothing, and all that's left is the feeling of Harry.

The boy is bigger than life itself, and Louis can't believe he gets to call him his. He's utterly besotted, feels like he's overflowing with love in this moment and always. How people managed to not see that over the years Louis doesn't know, but now, it's their time to shine. He grins and kisses Harry deeper.

A particularly loud and pointed cry of, “YAAAASSS LARRY! FUCK IT UP!” is what finally breaks them apart a few moments later, their lips separating with a _smack_ when they both burst into laughter, pulling away to lean their heads on each other’s shoulders. Breathlessly, Louis winds his arms around Harry’s back and brings him in even closer, hugging him tight. He's so precious to him, Louis thinks, and he can feel it in his chest, his toes, his lungs. One of Harry’s hands comes up to cradle the back of his head then, the other on his lower back, and Louis stops thinking and just lets himself be held in return.

He plants a kiss on Harry's shoulder. “Love you,” he murmurs, turning his face into Harry’s neck so he can be heard. The amount of noise emanating from the crowd is still mind-bogglingly loud.

“Love you too,” Harry answers back. He squeezes him tight. “You sound great tonight.”

Louis giggles, charmed as always. “Thanks.” Then, “You okay?”

Louis knows Harry can hear the real questions laced in his words: _Was this okay? This wasn't a mistake?_

“Yeah, Lou,” he replies softly. “I’m with you, always.”

Louis smiles against him. Then, pressing one last kiss to his neck, Louis pats Harry on the back and finally pulls away. He meets his gaze again, and sees Harry's eyes wet and his smile wider than ever before. Louis feels his heart lurch at the sight. Another breathless laugh escapes him, and he reaches forward to hold Harry’s cheek one more time before he turns back to the crowd.

His eyes sweep over all the shocked and smiling faces before him, and Louis feels lifted up by them. He has to cough into the mic to clear the lingering emotion from his throat. “Anyway…” he drawls, playing it up. He gets his his in-ears back in place and hears Liam and Niall laughing. Louis looks over to where they’re stood at the end of the stage, out of the way, giving Louis and Harry their moment. They’re both grinning at him, proud. Louis shrugs, unabashed, before announcing, “This will be our last song for you tonight, and it’s called Drag Me Down!”

“Please sing along if you know the words!” Harry pipes up.

Glancing at him, Louis sends one last wink Harry’s way, then he’s bounding down the catwalk away from him. And it’s all a blur from there.

He doesn’t remember singing any of the lyrics, doesn’t think any of them even have to with how loud the crowd sings the words back at them. The song passes in a blink, and later, Louis will wish he’d savored it more. But it’s too late now, and Harry’s hitting his last notes, and the four of them are gathered on the main stage, and the music cuts off, leaving only screams and Louis’ heart pounding in his ears. He starts to smile so wide his cheeks hurt with it. They did this.

They all stare out at the crowd, lost in the feeling of it, one last time. Harry’s the first to speak.

“We have been One Direction,” he says into his mic, voice cracking. “And so have you. Thank you, we love you, and goodnight.”

The tears are streaming down Louis’ face before the other three have even managed to wrangle him into the group hug. He feels one strong arm around his shoulders - Liam’s - and another around his waist - Niall - and he’s yanked forward until his forehead hits Harry’s chest. They’re tripping and tumbling all over each other, same as it’s always been, and they’re so close Louis can feel everyone’s breath hot on his face, feel their tears mixing with his own. He lets out a wet sob and wriggles around until he’s able to wrap his arms around all three of them.

“Love you boys,” he hears Liam say. His voice is wobbling, and Louis’ hand tightens on his hip.

“Love you,” they all say back in unison.

Niall’s arms squeeze them together tight. “Thank you for everything,” he chokes out.

Harry nods, his face blotchy as he openly weeps. He looks up to meet each of their eyes. “One last bow, fellas?” he asks.

They nod and slowly pull apart, untangling themselves until they’re all in a line. But before they can get their arms properly around each other again, Louis steps forward, out of the lineup and to the front of the stage. Slowly, he gazes out over the entire crowd, looking from the far left to the far right, trying to take in as many faces as he can. He wishes he could know them all, could personally tell them how much this has meant to him, but he can’t do that. Instead, he holds his arms out, like a cast acknowledging its orchestra, and smiles, nodding, the tears rolling down his cheeks. He mouths the words, _Thank you_.

He feels Harry come up to his side and put his arm around his shoulder. A moment later Niall joins him on his other side, holding him around the waist, followed by Liam to Harry’s right. Together, they bow forward. The noise surges, and Louis can’t breathe. They bow once more, and when they’ve stood up again, Harry leans over to kiss him on the cheek.

With their arms still around each other, the four of them each take in a deep breath, looking out over everything that they’ve done, one final time. Then, meeting each other’s eyes and smiling, they turn around and run back up the stage and the ramp together, whooping and hollering and shoving at each other - nuisances ‘til the end - until they’re gone.

And then it’s over.

Once they’re out of sight, they collapse to the floor backstage and into each other’s arms, where they can’t seem to catch their breath no matter how hard they try. The four of them don’t speak, just willing to ride out the tide of emotion until it crests over them. To Louis’ left is Harry, burying his face and his tears into Louis’ neck, and Louis holds him as tight as he can, tucking him close to his chest. It all feels so much like an ending Louis is nearly sick with it.

But then again, it is an ending, Louis supposes. And it’s a good one.

 

\----

 

_Bad tattoos, the in-jokes and the memories, the misspent youth._

_And yeah we ran out of miles, I guess that's true._

_But I know I'll see you when I see you._

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Title and lyrics taken from "Oh Brother" by Frank Turner. It's a great OT4/OT5 song and I've been crying about it re: One Direction ending since 2013. So check that out if you're looking for that sort of pain. 
> 
> [my tumblr](http://mooodlighting.tumblr.com/) \- [fic post](http://mooodlighting.tumblr.com/post/132283365240/this-isnt-where-it-ends-25-k-harrylouis)


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